10 Things That Annoy Bartenders

10 Things That Annoy Bartenders

Whether you’re a club rat or a homebody that goes out every time a baby unicorn is born, bar etiquette is a must. Every weekend (weekdays as well) patrons clammer around bars and never give second thought to the man or woman behind the counter.  We want our drinks right away.  We want our drinks cheap. We also want to strong drinks while giving a weak tip.  Well for those that need a rude awakening, we happen to have insights on what exactly drives bartenders up the wall.  Check out our list of 10 things that annoy bartenders and become a better patron.  Follow these rules and increase your chances of getting your drink fast, strong, and in some cases on the house.

“What’s good here?”

Every so often a shmuck walks in a club and asks this.  It’s a damn bar everything is pretty good here.  Do you sir/madam walk into a restaurant and say, “Hey Wuddya’ got to eat here?”  At the very least have a concept of what you like, for example rum based, vodka based, or tequila based drinks.  To make matters worse bartenders will have 10 people eye grabbing them when this question is usually asked.  They don’t have time to hold your hand and walk you through drink choices.  Go back huddle with your barely legal friends and get a game plan together.  Ready? Now break!

“I know The Owner”

Oh word? But does the owner know you? This happens far too often at the bar.  Look owners, investors, and managers are all popular people so a ton of people know who they are but just because they gave you a nod when you passed them on the way to the restroom does not entitle you to a drink.  Bartenders are not in the business of giving away drinks, especially based off vague association.  Trust me if an owner or manager wanted to comp someone they’d make it clear to the staff.  So if this is you, shut your trap and pony up.

“Hold on let me Get my money”

So let me get this straight you spent the last 5 or so minutes trying to make eye contact, finally got to place your order, then watched as the bartender made 6 drinks for you and your friends, then when it’s time to pay you figured that was a perfect time to scrounge up your bills?  Bartenders don’t have the time to wait around as you collect everyone’s money and if they do move on to the next guest it’s annoying to have to keep an eye on you in order to make sure you don’t just walk off.  Look if you know the general price for something have cash in hand.  Not only will the bartender see the cash and want to take your order quicker, it makes the whole operation flow easier.  You want to know why it takes forever to get a drink sometimes? It’s because these types of people exist.  Make like a boyscout and always be prepared.

“So what time does everyone get here?”

Dude you’re like 27 did you just start going clubbing? Did you volunteer for the Peace Corps. straight out of high school and your plane from Botswana just landed an hour ago?  Look there is nothing wrong with getting there early to take advantage of free entry and drink specials but lets not play the clueless game.  Your at a club at 10 pm the DJ isn’t finished setting up and you’re worried about where everyone is.  The real answer is everyone is at home pregaming or trying to figure out where to go.  The answer bartenders give is always, “well it’s usually a late crowd.”

Touching the Bartender

There are some bars layouts that allow patrons to get pretty close to bartenders, however it’s a bar not a petting zoo.  Keep your hands to yourself or more importantly on your wallet. Bartenders understand that patrons get intoxicated and become impatient.  However, grabbing an arm or tapping shoulders is just unnecessary.  It’s already bad enough they have a slew of people eye grabbing them with bulging eyes resembling serial killers.  They’ll get to you just relax. In a world of instant gratification it won’t hurt you to wait a little.

N0 tip on a big bill

Hey big baller. Yea you, that just bought that bottle of White Star at the bar and buying rounds of patron shots for random strangers. Thanks for not acknowledging the bartender’s existence.  Unless the service was God awful and you have cranberry vodka spilled on your brand new Versace shirt, do us all a favor and give that line on the receipt just under the total some attention. The receipt isn’t slid to you just to get your autograph, show some love.  Besides the better you treat your bartenders the better overall experience you will have and you may even get a few comped drinks.  This could actually be worth more than the original tip you should of left.

After Last Call: “Can I just get one more drink pleeeease!”

Unless you’re offering employment to that bartender including benefits don’t bother to ask.  Bartenders are under strict guidelines and anyone that is caught slinging drinks after closing is subject to termination.  So in a sense you’re putting the bartender’s whole job on the line just so you can get more liquid courage to talk to the girl you should have approached 2 hours ago.  Have some consideration, bartenders don’t go to your job at 5 pm asking you “Hey can you stay and help me steal all the stationary out of the supply closet? Pleeeeeassse!?”

“Can you hook me up?”

No. get lost.  Look if you really want to know how the “hook up” system works, let me put you on to game.  Bartenders are usually given a certain amount of comps per night.  Lets say $40.  Drinks at a club can average anywhere from $6-$10 that adds up pretty fast.  Therefore, bartenders are not going to waste their comps on a cheapskate. Sorry to sound prude but this is Philly, we only speak reality.  If you want to wrap your mittens around free drinks we need to know it’s worth the investment.  Plop down a hefty tip on the first round, let the bartender know you’re there to look out for them.  Once they recognize that, when you go for your 2nd round you might hear “Don’t worry about it, this rounds’ on me.”

The College Bar Orderer

This applies more to bartenders working in moderate to upscale clubs.  A 21 year old finally has an ID that makes them legal and of course they want to get saucy.  They walk up to the bar and they start ordering backyard boogie shots and drinks.  “Yea let me get 2 mind erasers, a trashcan, and a naked girl scout, and 2 orgasms.” Uuuhhh how about a shot of tequila and a couple fireballs and lets call it a night.  If you want something fruity just say so but you can’t expect every bartender to know the recipes for drinks you get at Joe’s Tin Shack in boondocks USA.  Oh and let me guess you want a Long Island to go with those shots as well?

“Can we split this on 5 different cards”

Sure it’s possible to split your $25 tab on 5 cards, but is it really that critical?  Common courtesy is, if you need to split the bill make it 2 cards max.  Figure out a way your colleagues can reimburse each other later.  Not only does it hold up a packed place but it’s just inconsiderate.  So I guess you and your 4 homies couldn’t find an ATM or thought about how the tab will be paid before the check slid across that beautiful onyx counter top?  Get a game plan together and figure out a sensible way to pay tabs instead of trying to turn your bartender into a mathematician.