Let’s face it the dating game isn’t what it used to be. With the rise in internet usage there’s been a decline in social skills especially among the fellas. Traditionally men are supposed to initiate first contact with a woman and be able to hold a conversation. However, men nowadays spend more time double tapping pics and leaving heart eyes on Instagram than polishing their real life conversational skills. However, this is just one blunder among many that men make in the dating world. If you have been struggling to find that perfect someone, no sweat because we have some great pointers to help get off you’re smart phone and into the arms of your #WCW.
We surveyed women in the area and asked them what were some things that men do unknowingly that turn them off. So basically fellas I am handing over the CliffsNotes to dating 101. Each blunder doesn’t apply to every guy but there are a lot of men guilty of committing a few on the list. Read, digest, and avoid these pitfalls and you should see an increase in your dating success rate. Good luck and Godspeed.
Not Leaving Anything A Mystery
Aside from the obvious mistake of bragging about the money you have, the car you drive, or the people you know men also make the mistake of giving too much information that may have nothing to do with bragging. This is true especially in the early stages of dating. A good rule of thumb is don’t divulge information that she hasn’t asked you for. Women tend to enjoy leaving things a mystery and discovering them as dating progresses. So info like your cool hobbies, your awesome art collection, or all the places you been to can be left for her to discover. So if you know she loves classic music let her walk into your house and stumble upon your huge record collection. She will be more impressed seeing it, than you bragging about it over perogies at some hipster corner bar.
Being A Bad or Non Existent Tipper
So you’re picking up the tab during your date. Cool, you’re doing your gentlemanly duties. However, just because you plop down your card to pay the tab it doesn’t mean you’re in the clear. It’s not uncommon for women to peek or even ask how much the bill was. When they do that you better believe they are calculating the tip in their head. You see many women have learned to judge men on how they treat and tip servers. During dinner if you weren’t being cordial with the staff a red flag is already raised in her head. So when that check comes and it’s for say $60 and you’re plopping down a fat $2 bucks for the tip, there’s a good chance she is already plotting her exit plan. Tipping not only shows you appreciated the service it’s also an indication on how you interact with people on an average basis. Be gracious, be appreciative, and show it on the bill.
Not Knowing When to Put Your Phone Down
We get it you want to stay tuned into Wooder Ice all the time! But in all seriousness, this is a new age problem. I do not believe there was an epidemic of guys running to payphones during a date in the 80′ & 90’s. Women may enjoy material things such as shoes and handbags but they enjoy a man’s attention and respect even more. Before going on a date tie up loose ends. If it’s something urgent let her know from the gate there is a call or message you’re waiting for. Otherwise put away your phone and look that woman in the eye when she is speaking to you. Even if it’s something insignificant like the last fight on Love & Hip-Hop, try you’re best to stay engaged. This small gesture goes a long way. Trust me those Twitter and Instagram notifications aren’t going anywhere, but that woman sitting across the table might. So act accordingly.
Manscaping & Proper Body Maintenance
Okay fellas not all hygiene malfunctions can be solved with a stick of gum and deodorant. Now I am not saying you have to get all metrosexual but sometimes you have to invest a little more money at CVS next time you go to pick up shaving razors. For starters a trimmer goes a long way. If you’re southern region looks like something straight out of Jumanji, take time to treat it to a good trimming. There is nothing wrong with treating your boys to a buzz now and again. If you’re still perusing the aisles pick up a set of nail clippers with a file. Dirty nails are also high on the list of turn offs. There’s a stigma attached to visiting nail salons and treating you’re nails. Okay I get that, it’s not for everyone. But a good clipping and scrapping of the nails goes a long way. Women are genetically programed to look at people’s nails. This is due to the fact that they are always checking out other female’s manicures. So their wondering eye will be inspecting your cuticles so take the time to attend to them. You can thank me later.
Living in the Past
No girl wants to date uncle Rico and I am not talking about the actor himself. If you were once on top and on the comeback stop trying to relive your glory days. She doesn’t care about the cars you HAD, the money you HAD, or how you were captain of your college intramural kickball team. What matters is the here and now. It’s okay to reference but if you’re conversations continually involve the words “when I used to..,” it’s time to change your mindset. Look we all stumble in life and it’s okay to fail and lose things. But learning to move on is a trait women find appealing. It shows confidence and ambition. If you are on the road to a comeback or looking to better yourself don’t be afraid to share your goals with her. As you accomplish things along the way she will notice and be supportive of you. As Tony Soprano once stated, “remember when” is the lowest form of conversation. Live by this.
Lack of Etiquette
Now this encompasses many things so we will touch on a simple thing that men seem to blunder. Please & thank you are so basic but will take you the furthest. Most of the women we’ve spoken to brought this up almost immediately. Going back to the wait staff example, women pick up on a man’s manners rather keenly. No matter what your upbringing was, whether you were a spoiled only child or lacked supervision, there is no excuse for a grown man to have poor etiquette. I am not saying you have to sound like you’re on military leave handing out “sir” sandwiches (sir yes sir), but be cordial and inviting. Although you may be treating her like a princess on the date, women often gauge lack of etiquette as an indication of how you really are when you’re not wearing the honeymoon phase mask. So be polite.
“Be Prepared,” is the motto of the Boy Scouts but if you really want to earn a merit badge learn to plan things. Women love when a man has a game plan together no matter how big or small. FYI having her watch you play Call of Duty is not considered a game plan. If you have trouble thinking of things to do aside from our event pages check out Living Social and Groupon for date ideals. There are always mini-escapes and cool things to do no matter where you live. If you plan on traveling map out the directions and show you know how to take charge. Women want a General not a Private so take command of the date before you step foot outside of your house. If you pull up to her house and she asks where are we going and your answer is “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” You might as well not show up at all. So plan ahead.
Getting Ahead of Yourself
Everyone envisions what their future would be like with whoever they are dating. There is nothing wrong with this, but these thoughts are not always meant to be verbally communicated especially during the early stages of dating. Talks of commitment, changing Facebook status’, or moving in together too soon is a deal breaker for most women. Being excited about having a potential girlfriend on your hands is great. However, keep the chatter to family and friends regarding your future aspirations with her until you know both of ya’ll are on the same page. You might be thinking of having offspring with a woman meanwhile she might just see you as one of the men she is juggling at the moment. Women can be players too so make sure you know the feelings are mutual before you get ahead of yourself. Otherwise, you’re in for a world of awkwardness. So don’t get overzealous.
Not Knowing How to Have a Balanced Convo
When it comes to dealing with women most of the time it’s a balancing act. They want a bad boy that is a nice guy or a successful guy that is humble. Basic things such as holding a conversation is no different. If you’re a blabber mouth you have to learn to scale it back and if you’re shy or anti-social you got to learn to kick it up a gear. Women hate guys that cut them off when they are speaking but they also hate having to carry a conversation. So if she sparks you’re interest you have to find the sweet spot where conversation is flowing and not one sided. This is not accomplished with asking 101 questions either. If you are having trouble early on, do your homework. Take advantage of social media sites such as Facebook. See what pages she recently liked such as shows, movies, etc. Use this info on a date. Now don’t come out with stalker tendencies and say “Hey I saw you liked Breaking Bad on Facebook, I like Breaking Bad too.” Use it more like an ace up your sleeve. “I just rewatched an episode of Breaking Bad last night and….” This is a bit conniving but hey in dating it’s okay to use a few slick moves. So find the sweet spot.
Last but not least on our list is insecure PDA. A guy who dated a beautiful woman once told me he enjoyed having his woman walk into places before him and as other men gawked and tried to court her he’d walk in and confidently take her hand and they’d go about their business. He was secure enough to know that his woman was his. If you’re dating an attractive woman men will look. Get over it. As long as they’re not being disrespectful, there is no need to go the extra mile to hold her tight or make out in public to let everyone know she is with you. If a guy can step up to your lady and take her from you then that guy is actually doing you a favor. He is saving you time, money, and effort because she was never yours in the first place. A confident man knows when his woman only has eyes for him so let that confidence show in public. So stay secure.