9 Reasons a Philadelphian Won’t Call You Back for a Second Date
Summer is not really a time where people are looking to cuff. However, temperatures rise so do the pheromones and testosterone, which leads to an exponential rise of hormones. For you out-of-towners experiencing your first Philly summer, there are a few things you should be taking into consideration. Perhaps you have already experienced a dry phone even after a date or perhaps you’re going into the Philly dating scene blind. Either way here are gems we wanted to drop to shed light on how particular Philadelphians can be when it comes to dating. Get your pen and pad because you’ll want to take notes of these 9 Reasons a Philadelphian Won’t Call You Back for a Second Date.
Your Parking Situation is Shitty
We’ve all seen Parking Wars. Hell some of ya’ll were probably on the show. So you already know how bad it is out here when it comes to parking and paying up to the PPA. I am not going to lie I have two outstanding tickets as we speak. So as a single guy dating I can’t risk a third dating someone with a terrible parking situation. We’re talking impossible to find spots type neighborhoods (who has time to circle the block like a shark around chum). Also if there is nothing but 2 hour parking, it’s a set-up for disaster. You have to think ahead. Eventually you might sleep over their house and there is no chance in hell you’re getting up at 7 am to feed the meter or move your car, so that’s an automatic blue and white envelope on your windshield.
One of Ya’ll Has Dated a Mutual Friend
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Philly is a big city but a small town. What do I mean by that? Well you know that philosophy of 6 degrees of separation? In this town it’s more like 2 degrees. Chances are high that the person you swiped right on or happen to strike up a conversation with at the bar with, knows someone you know. Also chances are also pretty good that they might have even dated someone in your inner circle. Now you won’t find this out right away. Oh no. This conversation happens somewhere between appetizers and your main course during the date. Not only will you not call them after this date, you’ll have to fight to get your appetite back after finding out that you’re new crush has already been crushed.
You’re Not Food Compatible
We’re not sure how it works in other cities but in Philly you’re automatically judged by your restaurant choices. This puts added pressure to the person that has to answer “What are you in the mood for?” If you happen to let your date decide on where to eat and they choose a spot that makes you want to call in sick before the date even starts, their not getting a call back. Forget the fight over which cheesesteaks are the best. That’s a caveman argument in today’s foodie world. Oh na, these days it’s who has the best lobster mac, the best Thai wings or the best short rib sandwiches. If you’re not food compatible, you can forget a call back.
You’re a Cowgirl Fan
or a Redskins fan or a Giants fan. Being a fan of any rival of the Eagles automatically slims your chances of being summoned for a second date. Is this an overblown stereotype? Maybe. But it has been known to happen. I mean unless you’re really really hot or maybe really really rich or just extremely good in bed, an Eagles fan will have a hard time looking past that. So if you’re trying to hit it off with a Philadelphian you may want to get this conversation out of the way. Then you guys can tell each other what your names are.
It’s Nowhere Near 2 am and They Want to Eat at Pat’s & Geno’s
Here’s the thing, Philadelphians order from their neighborhood pizza spots to get cheesesteak during normal living hours. Only when we’re out drinking and bullshitting do we end up at touristy cheesesteak spots. So when you’re date wants to get a steak when the neon lights aren’t even shining bright on E. Passyunk, there’s no future in the relationship. Just cut your ties and walk away.
You Have to get on 76 to get to Your House
No one wants to deal with 76. That’s it.
Are You Hipster or Nah?
Forget Hillary supporters vs. Trump supports or the race war. Here the city is divided into 2 fractions. Hipsters and non-hipsters. If you’re not into 12 speed bikes, food shaped tattoos, beanies in the summer or living with 5 roommates and a cat named Mr. Meowgi then chances are you won’t hit it off with a hipster. I hold no ill will towards hipsters. In fact they are an essential element when it comes to gentrifying neighborhoods. However, unless you’re one of them, it’s nearly impossible to date them.
You Live Over the Ben Franky Bridge
Clearly the most expensive bridge toll around. It’s beautiful to look at and the drive over to Jersey is smooth and hassle free. However, dating someone over the bridge can add up quickly. Last I checked it’s $5 just get back to Philly. $5 in Philly will get you lamb over rice with the red & white sauce at a halal truck. That’s one meal being taken away from you each time you cross the bridge! No thanks. If you happen to live across the Tacony Bridge, then maybe we’ll have a shot at love.